My own story continues

My story goes on...

After falling into a deep depression, I ended up at the Rughuis. Before then, I hadn't realized that I was in such a dark place. The pain in my legs and back made it difficult to do my job. Long-term physical activities such as walking, climbing stairs, and cycling were no longer possible. When I had to stay home, my world became smaller and lonelier. I realized how alone I felt. In the past years, I had worked so hard to do everything right. I ignored my physical pain and kept pushing myself, hoping to be seen and heard. Because of that, I neglected my friends. I was very hard on myself and punished myself for no longer being able to handle everything. This led to mental struggles. I felt like everything was too much.

At the Rughuis, I was able to share my story without being judged. I began to process my past: my childhood, my choices, and the expectations I tried so hard to live up to. Everything revolved around the theme of "letting go." I learned to let go of negative thoughts, such as distrust caused by past disappointments. I tried to stop being "perfect" and to let go of the need to control everything. This came with emotions of sadness, anger, insecurity, and fear. I learned to take better care of myself by setting and guarding my boundaries. Because of this, I became better at coping with pain, felt calmer, and became more connected with myself and others. By using my senses more consciously, I discovered more about who I am. I learned that I didn't always have to depend on others and that I could stand up for myself.

I learned to express my feelings, but this also brought confusion and doubt. It triggered strong emotions of fear and sadness. I tried to ignore those feelings, but it didn't work. Eventually, I was able to share them with my best friend, psychologist, and physiotherapist. They offered me a great deal of support. Now, I feel less anxious because my inner sense of self has grown stronger. It feels familiar, safe, and warm. I continue to learn about myself, and in the future, I will discover what I want to do with that.