Toddlerhood: A Phase Full of Emotions and Growth  

How nice that you're reading along again! With my blogs, I aim to support parents in parenting and raising their children. Parenthood is beautiful, but it can sometimes be challenging. Allow those challenges to be there — they are part of the journey. You are allowed to keep enjoying it, even when things feel difficult.

In this blog, I want to talk about a phase many parents will recognize: the toddler phase (often referred to as the "toddler puberty").

What is the toddler phase?

Between the ages of 1.5 and 4, your child discovers that they have a will of their own. They learn to make choices, test boundaries, and want to be independent. This is a wonderful step in their development, but it doesn't come without struggles. Your toddler does not yet know how to deal with all these new emotions.

Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, and stubbornness can alternate rapidly. The behavior sometimes resembles that of a real teenager — hence the term toddler puberty. The peak of this phase usually lies between the ages of two and four.

How does the toddler phase show itself? 

Toddlers are not yet able to regulate their emotions properly. They express their frustrations through tantrums. These can range from crying, screaming, yelling, and stomping their feet to hitting, kicking, throwing themselves on the floor, or throwing objects.

Some children hold their breath or even vomit. Sometimes a tantrum is even "re-enacted," because your child has learned that this behavior results in attention — or getting what they want.

Tantrums often arise: 

• when something doesn't work,
• when something is not allowed,
• or when your toddler feels overwhelmed.

How can you deal with a tantrum?

Tantrums are not only intense for your child, but can also be frustrating and exhausting for you as a parent. You may feel powerless, embarrassed when it happens in public, or doubt yourself as a parent.

Important to remember: tantrums are normal behavior. What matters is how you handle them.

Here are some practical tips:

During a tantrum:

• Stay calm. Your calmness helps your child eventually calm down as well.
• Set a clear boundary. For example, say: "That's enough now." or "Look at me."
• If that doesn't work, try removing your child from the situation or briefly distracting them (for example, gently blowing on their face or putting a little cold water on their hands).
• Do not give in to the tantrum. Doing so unintentionally rewards the behavior.

How can you prevent tantrums?  

Prevention isn't always possible, but there are ways to reduce the likelihood:

• Encourage independence. Let your child do as much as possible on their own — even if it takes longer or isn't perfect.
• Offer choices. This gives your toddler a sense of control. For example: "Do you want to wear the red sweater or the blue one?"
• Set clear boundaries. Calmly explain what is allowed and what isn't — and especially why.
• Name emotions. For example: "You're angry because it didn't work." "I understand that."
• Use distraction. Ask questions or change the subject. Avoid questions that can only be answered with "no."
• Make agreements in advance. For example: "If you stay calm in the store, we'll play a game together at home."

My own experience

As a mother of three children, I know how intense the toddler phase can be. Each child handled it differently.

My eldest could become so angry that he would vomit. My middle child went even further: he deliberately put his finger down his throat to get his way. And with my youngest… well, by then I knew better how to handle it.

This topic also comes up frequently in my work with parents. Parents share their concerns, wonder whether this behavior is normal (answer: yes!), and look for guidance. I try to reassure them, offer practical tools, and make it clear that this phase is temporary.

Finally

The toddler phase is a time of growth, letting go, and practice — for your child and for you. Your child is learning who they are, and you are learning how to respond to that. It's not always easy, but it is incredibly valuable.

Stay close to yourself, be patient, and dare to ask for help when needed.

If you would like more information or advice, I have a very interesting and helpful book for you:

Thank you for reading 

Take good care of yourself, be yourself — and in doing so, be the parent your child needs.

Until next time!

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